Time Flies!

I have written about three posts so far this week but I can't ever seem to finish one before I am beckoned away from the computer and naturally by the time I get back to it I have pretty much lost my train of thought and have something new to write about instead.

So for once in my life (and only out of necessity!.. so don't get too spoiled here!) I am going to make it short and sweet.

I can't believe how much Luke is changing these days. Just in the past week he has started signing and can now communicate through signing "no", "music" (both of which he has been doing but I guess I never realized it before), "more" (his favorite and most frequent!), "food/eat", "sleep/tired" (very cute!), and tonight he signed "milk" for the first time. The "milk" sign was cute because he was paying close attention to his hands and my hands trying to re-create what I was doing. In the end rather than opening and closing his hands he does more of a pinching motion with them... I was so impressed to watch this all unfold.

Also something new he has started is letting us know he is ready to go to bed! A week or maybe a little more ago as I noticed he was starting to get cranky and restless (and it was getting late... he doesn't have a "set" bedtime but he generally gets cranky and tired around the same time when we are at home) I asked him if he was "ready for sleepies?" I usually say something like "are you tired? you ready for sleepies?" only this time I started walking towards our bedroom as I was saying it. Now that he is walking it never occured to me he would just follow me. The next night he initiated the walk to the bedroom himself when I asked if he was "ready for sleepies". Dave and I exchanged an incredulous look. We thought it may be coincidence but lo and behold every night since when he is tired and ready for bed he starts to lay on me and we sign "sleep", I ask him if he is tired and "ready to go to bed/ready for sleepies" and he goes right for the bedroom and to the rocker to wait for me to come read him his nightly bedtime story "Mommy Loves Me".

I also can't believe how much he has progressed with his walking in no time. Especially considering he has been sick twice and congested and teething ever since his first birthday. Right after his first birthday (within a week!) he was walking independently. A few weeks later he was walking everywhere! Now he is giving the running walk a go. He goes back and forth through the house trying to see how fast he can go. It is hilarious!

He is also showing his independent side much more. At mealtime he insisits on feeding himself. As you can see from the picture this doesn't always make for a "neat" eating experience ;) He has nearly mastered the spoon and has pretty much fed himself at least a half dozen times using the spoon and a bowl. Of course he still likes to use his hands a lot but he was determined to master the art of eating with silverware! Every once in a while when he is really hungry he will hand the spoon over to me to help him get a couple good spoonfulls in but he is pretty good at doing it himself. And note: only when he hands the spoon over... definitely don't try to coax him away from doing it himself if that is the mode he is in!

Even in other settings he wants to learn how to do things himself. We were playing outside today and I got out the bubbles. He loved watching the bubbles but he was more interested in figuring out how I was making the bubbles come from that little orange wand. He took the wand from me and dipped it in the container as he had seen me do and then was a little perplexed about the whole blowing part. He would put the wand up to his mouth and cringe when he tasted the soapy bubble solution. Then he would hand the wand back to me so he could watch me do it again.

The picture above is Luke with what looks like a little green lunch pail on his arm. This is actually him imitating me "going bye-byes". For months now he has been signing bye bye (again... a sign he has been doing that I dismissed because he wasn't doing other signs I guess... silly me) and anytime I get our "bye bye" bag and gather him up he knows it is time to go bye bye. About a month ago he started "pretending" he was going bye byes like Mommy. I kept this "lunch pail" (it is actually the first food grinder I bought when I started making baby food) in a low cabinet and he started taking it out of the cabinet and putting it on his arm and walking around the house like this. At first I didn't quite figure out what he was doing but then he would also wave bye-bye to me and I realized he was pretending to go bye byes like Mommy does when she gets her bag. It is hilarious to watch him now because he goes for the cabinet, gets out the pail, puts it on his arm, turns to you to wave bye bye, then heads for the door.

Well now that I have once again NOT made it short and sweet (maybe this will be a new goal... I will continue posting with the goal of making it short and sweet and see if I can ever make this happen!!... probably not!) it is time to call it a night!

Luke is signing!

I was just about to give up hope! And then a few days ago Luke signed back to me for the first time! We have been using baby sign language for many months now. Really just the basics: food, milk, more... simple signs for basic needs. For a while now we could tell he understood their meanings. He would have a definite reaction if he was hungry and I began to sign food etc. But he never used the signs in return. On reflection I think it may be that he never really needed to sign. I would always offer him milk throughout the day so he was never really thirsty and he always wanted to eat around the same times (solids) so I usually always had his meals ready ahead of time (or at least new that is what he wanted when he started to get a little fussy around eating time). We continued to use sign language I think more out of habit than anything. We had started when Luke was around 6 months old and we never expected him to sign back right away so we really made it a routine. I am glad we stuck to it because it is amazing to see him able to communicate with us!
I was giving him lunch a few days ago and he starting using the sign for "more" when all his food was gone. I couldn't believe it!! It came out of nowhere. I excitedly washed some more blueberries and once these were gone he signed "more" again. I grabbed the box of cheddar bunnies and gave him a few of these. After a few more rounds of this (and a very full tummy I am sure... sometimes I can't figure out where all that food goes!) he stopped signing for more and I new he was done. He has been signing more ever since. He is using this sign for everything right now. I think he is very excited he is able to communicate and he is using this sign a lot. For instance, we were walking on the sidewalk and he really wanted to walk into the parking lot, which of course was off limits. He kept signing more telling me he wanted to go farther than where we were allowed. Now the big challenge is figuring out what he wants more of when he is signing "more".
Today he added the sign for "food" into his signing vocabulary. When he got hungry today he started signing more. I showed him the sign for food by putting his fingers to his mouth and he understood. Now he is also signing "food". I am still using "more", "milk", and "food" but I have also started using the sign for "help" (because he is often "asking" us for help lately taking our hand and leading us to toys he wants turned on etc.), "finished/all gone"... and hopefully once he starts using a few more of these I can add in things like "bath", "music" (which he loves), "light" (turning the lights on and off is a favorite past time as well) and others. I use other signs in coversation with him like cat and dog (basic stuff that I have been doing for a while, again out of habit) so I am curious to see what his next sign will be.
If anyone is interested in teaching babies/toddlers to sign there is a great book which I have read over and over and has been very helpful. It is called "Baby Sign Language For Hearing Babies" and it is written by Karyn Warburton. I highly recommend this book and the signs that are listed in this book. I have noticed that different books will have variations in their signs but this book has the simplest signs I feel for babies/toddlers to pick up. And my other word of advice... DONT GIVE UP! It took Luke at least 6 months to sign back to us. I guess perserverance does pay off!

Permission to Mother on the market!

If you don't already know the family doctor that we visit (Denise Punger, MD FAAFP IBCLC) has been diligently working to complete and publish a book called Permission to Mother. If you click on this link it will take you to the website where you can read a synopsis of the book and actually purchase the book because it has been officially published and put on the market! YAY!
I of course have already ordered my own copy which I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of (it shipped yesterday and is on its way!!!).

Dr. Punger has been a lifesaver for our family. She was the one doctor that was willing to help me save my breastfeeding relationship with my child just when we thought it was hopeless. She went well beyond the expected standard of care and provided so much of her own time and patience to introduce us to the options available to continue and maintain breastfeeding even with low milk supply issues (I should specifiy... options other than bottle feeding which is the only option given to us by other doctors).

Once it was determined I did have a low milk supply I was gently guided (and I say gently because she is able to understand the emotional attachments of a nursing mother) by Dr. Punger to the use of something called a SNS (supplemental nursing system). By using this device I was able to supply to Luke additional milk while still nursing at the breast avoiding the use of a bottle. Typically this is not something most ped's are familiar with (at least not the ones we have come in contact with in one way or another). We were very lucky to have found her guidance in the nick of time!

And even beyond breastfeeding we have enjoyed a wonderful doctor/patient relationship always giving us choices and time (words I never associated with a doctor until now).

We send many congratulations to Dr. Punger and highly recommend you purchase and read Permission to Mother.

Music Man!

Well it seems I have a music man on my hands! Here is the best picture I could get of Luke jammin' out. (Ignore the fact that I still have my Christmas rug on the floor... de-decorating takes a while around here ;) I have been trying to get some good pictures or video on the camera of him but there is one thing he tends to like better.... cameras (or cell phones or any other electronic gadget) so the moment he spots one of these things the world stops for him.

But back to the music. So as a little baby I would play different CD's for him. My Mom would often bring over CD's for us to try. Some of the music was classical, one favorite was by a woman we know who plays the harp (she actually plays for sick children in hospitals as well), we have soothing CD's with nature sounds in the background... you get the picture. We would also do lots of singing. My Mother was a primary school teacher for many years so when she would come visit Luke she was always armed with a stack of papers that had the lyrics to any child song (from "Hush Little Baby" to "Itsy Bitsy Spider" etc etc).

At the time I was glad I had these resources but I don't think I was fully appreciative of it all until Luke was old enough to show visible signs he was into the music. The older he got, and the more I could tell he enjoyed the music, the more enthusiastic I got about playing it, singing it, dancing to it... you get the picture. As a matter of fact... he can actually do the itsy bitsy spider now! This was something my mother started with him to calm him down for diaper changes and now when it is time for a diaper change he will start doing the finger plays for the music asking you to sing it to him. It blows me away!

Now a days I think of him as my little music man because he LIVES for music! He has one CD in particular that is his favorite: A Smooth Road to London Town. It has about 20 something songs that include lullabyes to finger play songs some with a folk tone and others with a little reggae type sound. The minute he hears these songs no matter what mood he is in or what he is doing he focuses right in on the music, stands up, dances, and claps and even sings in his own toddler way of singing. (I am still trying to get used to referring to him as a "toddler"... kinda strange). It has been a lifesaver because I have heard this CD so many times I hear it in my sleep therefore anytime we are out somewhere and Luke is having a bit of a rough time all I have to do is sing one of the songs (or some of the songs) and he is able to calm down and re-focus. I would much prefer the people in the grocery line hear me singing than have to hear Luke have a meltdown right there as we are waiting to purchase groceries. Don't get me wrong... it is not always magic... but it will always buy me at least the little bit of time I need.

The music man is also great for a little laugh here and there. There is nothing more entertaining (at least to his parents) or uplifting than turning on some music and watching him do his little dances (which Dave and I named one night as we enjoyed the show!).
Today I cleaned out his room and I decided to move his little boom box that is in his room on his dresser down to his level so he could control it himself. Now he has the best of both worlds... something electronic with buttons AND it plays music! He was ECSTATIC! Before bedtime Dave and I sat in there with him for an hour while he played a concert for us on the cd player. Funny thing was he liked it best when the music was turned up loud! Boy am I in for it when he is a teenager!

Cleaning out the Closets

Well I have spent most of the day today cleaning up and cleaning out Luke's room. I came across lots of stuff that I even forgot I had stashed here and there... things I haven't seen since before he was born that I probably put away after our baby shower and never got used. It definitely made me reflect on how I was feeling as an expectant mother and a new mother with a newborn versus how things are today. Before Luke was born I had no idea what to expect other than what I learned from general population around us (keeping in mind we didn't have many other families we were close to with kids let alone babies). For instance, when it came to breastfeeding we really didn't have anyone to relate to. I am not sure what made me decide I was going to try this vs. not. I as a child was not breastfed. Perhaps it was because I knew others who had? But I was not very confident in this endeavor I am sure because everyone I knew who had breastfed had quit at one point or another because they either "couldn't" or in one instance I was told "the pediatrician told me to stop because I was not providing enough nutrients". !!! So whenever I was asked whether I was going to breastfeed or not I would always reply with "I am going to try". (Maybe this was a factor in my breastmilk supply problems?)

Bottom line... it is amazing to see where we are at now versus where I obviously expected to be based on what I have cleaned out of the closets. Some examples:
1. WHAT I CLEANED OUT: boxes of bottles, bottle nipples, pacifiers galoore!, and stashed samples of formula that we received in the mail and all our parenting classes etc (I don't throw anything away!)
WHAT I REPLACED THEM WITH: the remnants of all my SNS (supplemental nursing system) supplies. These are what I used so that I could breastfeed and give Luke the supplemental milk I could not provide at the same time. I hope I will not have to use these with our next baby(s). And after additional reflection I am actually thinking of throwing these out too because keeping them may be subliminally sending the message that I will need these again.
2. WHAT I CLEANED OUT: a bouncy chair seat thingee that plays music, vibrates, etc. given as a gift. I never even took it out of the box!
WHAT I REPLACED IT WITH: My slings and my own singing voice (which isn't recording material but has been good enough for Luke).
3. WHAT I CLEANED OUT: a TON of pampers/huggies samples
WHAT I REPLACED THEM WITH: My new stash of cloth diapers (which is still growing! hopefully soon I can say I cleaned out all my leftover disposable diapers!)
4. WHAT I CLEANED OUT: The playpen that we NEVER used. Well I can't say never. There were a few times we had friends with babies over who put them down to sleep in there. This is really the only reason I left it in the corner of Luke's bedroom for so long (it also served as a good place for clean clothes I hadn't hung up yet... maybe now I will be forced to be more on top of the laundry ;)
WHAT I REPLACED IT WITH: The new puppet stage and puppets my sister got him for Christmas. Luke LOVES these puppets and loves it when we play puppet show together.
5. WHAT I CLEANED OUT: "seated play" toys (like walkers only what we had were stationary).
WHAT I REPLACED THEM WITH: I left these toys in certain parts of the house and let Luke explore the attached toys from outside the restraining seat. I never thought it very appropriate to keep him restrained, especially once he could move around on his own, because I always felt he needed freedom to explore on his own.
6. WHAT I CLEANED OUT: The idea of "baby training"
WHAT I REPLACED IT WITH: Good old fashioned hugs, holding, and nurturing

These are just a few of the things that have changed from what I thought our household might be like before Luke was born. For instance, I never imagined myself making my own baby food! We also co-sleep, something I never even really heard of or considered pre-baby! When Luke was a little too old (or I should say long) for the bassinet we had attached to our bed (which had a removable rail so it was a seamless extension of the bed and really nothing more than an anxiety reducer that the baby would roll of the bed) we moved his crib in our room. Everyone thought we were nuts but we kept saying we weren't ready to be separated from the baby. Even with the crib a few feet away he spends 90% of the time in bed with us anyway. People keep asking "when are you going to move the crib out of your room" and we smile and say when we need to make room for the King size bed we will need once we have more kids ;)

It feels good to have accomplished a little cleaning today. Like I said I am a pack-rat which makes it hard to keep up with organization and cleaning... but once it's done it feels nice. And it was nice to have the opportunity to reflect on where we are as a family. It made me realize that we have reached a nice point of Zen. Our parenting styles may be different than other families, and it may be the same, but it works for us and that is the important thing. I can wake up in the morning feeling good and confident about the choices we are making and go to bed at night as a family at peace. It feels good to have finally reached a point of confidence where I don't have to question myself or consider the questioning of others.

Now the big question is... what do I do with all this stuff!?!?

the end of a beginning

Have you ever heard this saying: "the beginning to an end"? I am sure most have heard it even in simple passing conversation. Usually it is accompanied by "finally!" and can sometimes go something like "Finally! The beginning to an end of....". To me it has always held a negative connotation for some reason. Perhaps because I have never been much for "ending" anything... I am one of those resistant to change types I suppose. You know the type: never throws anything away, hates to say good-bye, loves simple daily routines such as wash face, brush teeth, brush hair in that exact order every morning. In fact, I only get a hair cut once a year for fear the person doing to cutting may go a little too far and I may not recognize myself afterwards!

I can't say every aspect of my life is controlled by these uncontrollable urges. I do like to try new things, taste new foods, meet new people, learn new things. Perhaps this is why I much more enjoy the phrase "the end of a beginning". It means I have introduced something new into my life which is just beginning to blossom. Some may say they have started a new chapter in their lives but I would prefer to say I have opened a new book. Chapters end as books... well they have the potential to be endless.

And so this brings me to the introduction of my blog: "Jen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance". Perhaps it sounds familiar? It is a play on the wording to the title of a book "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" by Robert M. Pirsig. If you are not familiar with this book I do highly recommend it. It is a philosophical book that will challenge your mind and spirit. Just so you have an idea I will quote the back cover:

The extraordinary story of a man's quest for truth. It will change the way you think and feel about your life.

How I came to read this book is a funny story - I will try to make it short (something I generally fail at as you will see if you choose to follow this blog spot). As a child my fondest memories are of spending time with my Father in our garage as he taught me the art of motorcycle maintenance, in the literal sense. My small hands and fingers could always get to the nuts and bolts that his could not. My Father was, and continues to be, a wonderful teacher always so patient and thorough with my always curious questions and desire for knowledge. As a teenager I stumbled on this book. I cannot recall whether it was part of the family library or someplace else but regardless I thought it was a book about a guy named Zen who took road trips on his unreliable motorcycle and was always stopping to make the necessary repairs - right up my alley! Boy was I wrong (for the most part at least).

Eventually I did read this book cover to cover and it was enlightening to say the least. The thing that always stayed close to me was the way the author took two things that most people would think completely separate and unrelated - motorcycling and philosphies of life - and joined them so seamlessly. In this way I could really relate to this book. I have always felt like a person with many different and unrelated talents and fulfillments and wasn't sure how they all were meant to work together. I felt jumbled and contradicted by my own self at times.

But as I have grown into adulthood, and now what I feel has been the defining moments for me: Motherhood, the pieces are falling into place. I am realizing now that all those traits, abilities... whatever we will call them... although at one time seemed jumbled and jarbled now are beginning to shape into a cohesive unit that is me. They were the beginnings to my now and future... hence the end of a beginning.