Cleaning out the Closets

Well I have spent most of the day today cleaning up and cleaning out Luke's room. I came across lots of stuff that I even forgot I had stashed here and there... things I haven't seen since before he was born that I probably put away after our baby shower and never got used. It definitely made me reflect on how I was feeling as an expectant mother and a new mother with a newborn versus how things are today. Before Luke was born I had no idea what to expect other than what I learned from general population around us (keeping in mind we didn't have many other families we were close to with kids let alone babies). For instance, when it came to breastfeeding we really didn't have anyone to relate to. I am not sure what made me decide I was going to try this vs. not. I as a child was not breastfed. Perhaps it was because I knew others who had? But I was not very confident in this endeavor I am sure because everyone I knew who had breastfed had quit at one point or another because they either "couldn't" or in one instance I was told "the pediatrician told me to stop because I was not providing enough nutrients". !!! So whenever I was asked whether I was going to breastfeed or not I would always reply with "I am going to try". (Maybe this was a factor in my breastmilk supply problems?)

Bottom line... it is amazing to see where we are at now versus where I obviously expected to be based on what I have cleaned out of the closets. Some examples:
1. WHAT I CLEANED OUT: boxes of bottles, bottle nipples, pacifiers galoore!, and stashed samples of formula that we received in the mail and all our parenting classes etc (I don't throw anything away!)
WHAT I REPLACED THEM WITH: the remnants of all my SNS (supplemental nursing system) supplies. These are what I used so that I could breastfeed and give Luke the supplemental milk I could not provide at the same time. I hope I will not have to use these with our next baby(s). And after additional reflection I am actually thinking of throwing these out too because keeping them may be subliminally sending the message that I will need these again.
2. WHAT I CLEANED OUT: a bouncy chair seat thingee that plays music, vibrates, etc. given as a gift. I never even took it out of the box!
WHAT I REPLACED IT WITH: My slings and my own singing voice (which isn't recording material but has been good enough for Luke).
3. WHAT I CLEANED OUT: a TON of pampers/huggies samples
WHAT I REPLACED THEM WITH: My new stash of cloth diapers (which is still growing! hopefully soon I can say I cleaned out all my leftover disposable diapers!)
4. WHAT I CLEANED OUT: The playpen that we NEVER used. Well I can't say never. There were a few times we had friends with babies over who put them down to sleep in there. This is really the only reason I left it in the corner of Luke's bedroom for so long (it also served as a good place for clean clothes I hadn't hung up yet... maybe now I will be forced to be more on top of the laundry ;)
WHAT I REPLACED IT WITH: The new puppet stage and puppets my sister got him for Christmas. Luke LOVES these puppets and loves it when we play puppet show together.
5. WHAT I CLEANED OUT: "seated play" toys (like walkers only what we had were stationary).
WHAT I REPLACED THEM WITH: I left these toys in certain parts of the house and let Luke explore the attached toys from outside the restraining seat. I never thought it very appropriate to keep him restrained, especially once he could move around on his own, because I always felt he needed freedom to explore on his own.
6. WHAT I CLEANED OUT: The idea of "baby training"
WHAT I REPLACED IT WITH: Good old fashioned hugs, holding, and nurturing

These are just a few of the things that have changed from what I thought our household might be like before Luke was born. For instance, I never imagined myself making my own baby food! We also co-sleep, something I never even really heard of or considered pre-baby! When Luke was a little too old (or I should say long) for the bassinet we had attached to our bed (which had a removable rail so it was a seamless extension of the bed and really nothing more than an anxiety reducer that the baby would roll of the bed) we moved his crib in our room. Everyone thought we were nuts but we kept saying we weren't ready to be separated from the baby. Even with the crib a few feet away he spends 90% of the time in bed with us anyway. People keep asking "when are you going to move the crib out of your room" and we smile and say when we need to make room for the King size bed we will need once we have more kids ;)

It feels good to have accomplished a little cleaning today. Like I said I am a pack-rat which makes it hard to keep up with organization and cleaning... but once it's done it feels nice. And it was nice to have the opportunity to reflect on where we are as a family. It made me realize that we have reached a nice point of Zen. Our parenting styles may be different than other families, and it may be the same, but it works for us and that is the important thing. I can wake up in the morning feeling good and confident about the choices we are making and go to bed at night as a family at peace. It feels good to have finally reached a point of confidence where I don't have to question myself or consider the questioning of others.

Now the big question is... what do I do with all this stuff!?!?